20 Years of BSN: From living room to national lifeline

Picture a sunny afternoon in the Var, 2005. A small group of people are sitting together, sharing stories over coffee. To a passerby, it looks like any other social gathering. But there is a quiet, deeper shared bond: everyone at that table is living life after the loss of a partner.

Trevor Zutshi, a retired GP living in the area, was the one who had brought them together. He saw a need and encouraged people to meet up and talk. But as he sat back and listened he recognised a profound and often overlooked additional burden: losing a loved one is devastating enough, but dealing with bereavement when you are far from home—navigating a complex bureaucracy in a language that isn’t your own, away from the safety net of family— that’s a mountain no one should have to climb alone. It became clear that, while the social meet-ups were a lifeline, something more was needed.

In those early days, Trevor served as Treasurer, Peter as President, and Mim as Secretary, with new dedicated members like Sandra joining by 2008.

The birth of a mission

Trevor knew he wanted to provide a truly compassionate, more professional ear for those grieving. He reached out to a friend, the Rev. Peter Massey, who agreed that the current support wasn’t enough. Together, they turned to Mim Kay, a well respected Relate counsellor living and working in the area.

In April 2006, the trio met: the doctor, the reverend, and the counsellor. The BSN was born.

By October of that year, the Bereavement Support Network of the Var (B.S.N.) was officially registered. The team dived straight in—recruiting volunteers and looking to the UK’s Cruse Bereavement Support for best practice guidance. Soon afterwards, we held our first in-depth training session, a series of six modules put together by an experienced therapist in the area. In those early days, Trevor served as Treasurer, Peter as President, and Mim as Secretary. The mission was solidly underway.

Honouring our roots

As we celebrate 20 years, we want to take a moment to honour the giants upon whose shoulders we stand.

Beginnings and growth

In the early years, our volunteers were the ultimate “DIY” fundraisers. At that time most clients lived locally and volunteers would see them in their homes; so, to cover the cost of petrol and other basics such as insurance and training, they organised sponsored walks, car boot sales and raffles. They even attempted “sponsored diets,” though those were not always so successful! It proved difficult to stick to a diet when also hosting legendary coffee mornings full of delicious cakes made by one fondly remembered master baker volunteer.

By 2010, it was clear we needed to create a road map for all volunteers, so we gathered our collective wisdom and accumulated knowledge into our first official training manual. It’s a true testament to those early foundations that an updated, more comprehensive version of that very same manual still guides every one of our volunteers today.

Evolution and expansion

As the years passed, we grew to better reflect the community we serve. By 2010, we recognised that to be a truly open home for everyone, we needed to become a secular organisation. It was a time of respectful change; Mim stepped into the role of President, while Peter moved on to continue his vital work through The Ark Pastoral Care Mission.

Our heart for service continued to expand. In 2012, after seeing a volunteer support their own friends at the end of life, it became clear that our help shouldn’t start only after death. We widened our circle to include those facing terminal illness and their dedicated carers walking that difficult path alongside them.

As word of our work spread beyond the Var, we realised the need for a compassionate ear didn’t stop at the department border. This shift moved the BSN into a new era; by using the telephone more and later, video calls, we were finally able to reach across the miles to help those in every corner of the country. Our outreach in France was complete.

BSN today

Today, we receive enquiries from all over the world— from family members and friends abroad trying to deal with the administrative labyrinth associated with losing a loved one who lives in a foreign land.

While technology now allows us to sit “face-to-face” with clients in their living rooms via a screen, our core remains unchanged: supportive, compassionate, non-judgmental listening at no charge. We are here to promote the well-being of the English-speaking community in France, one conversation at a time.

A legacy of compassion

As we celebrate this 20-year milestone, we honour Trevor, who sadly passed away in 2017. His belief in this network underpins everything we do—a legacy immortalised in the Memoriam at the front of the training manual every volunteer still receives.

We thank Peter, our first President, whose home was our meeting point for those early years, and Mim, who served as President for nine pivotal years. For a long time, Mim was our leader, trainer, and sole supervisor, pouring her heart into every volunteer.

Finally, to all our volunteers—past and present: thank you. Your time, energy, and commitment are the reasons we exist.

Looking back allows us to see how far we’ve come, but looking forward is how we keep our promise: No matter where you are in France, and no matter how dark the days may seem, you do not have to walk this path alone. 

Help us write the next chapter

As we celebrate this milestone, we would love to hear from you. Whether the BSN supported you years ago or yesterday, or you have a memory of those early fundraising days or something you remember from your time volunteering with BSN, please share your story with us using the button below. Your reflections help us honour how far we’ve come.

If you feel moved to support our mission so that we can continue to offer our services free of charge for the next 20 years, please consider making a donation on our website. Every gift helps us ensure that no one has to walk the path of grief alone.