Grief on Mother’s Day — why the feelings don’t fade
Sunday is Mother’s Day here in France and it doesn’t matter how many Mother’s Days have passed since your mother died, the holiday can still trigger strong emotions. You may find yourself surprised at how much you still miss her.
It’s been 26 years since my mother died, but this year my emotions took me by surprise, and I find myself yearning and missing her so much. There’s also no-one in my family close by to talk to about her. Added to that, it’s only Mother’s Day here in France.
We have already got through the holiday in March in the UK and in May in America. And now here we are in France — cards, ads and flowers everywhere. Most of our families don’t even know it’s Mother’s Day here this weekend. There will be no getting together with siblings or family. No cooking her favourite dish, or sitting around the table telling stories about her — laughing and crying together. It can make the holiday harder and more lonely.
Grief on Mother’s Day
Alternatively maybe your relationship with your mother was complicated. Perhaps there were many issues that you never resolved with her before she died. Mother’s Day may bring up many conflicted feelings in you, a sense of regret, guilt, sadness that you weren’t able to work things out or make amends before she died. Maybe there’s still a lot of anger. It makes it hard to handle those strong negative emotions on Mother’s Day with all the messages hearts and love.
However you are feeling, it’s often a good idea to have a plan for what you want to do on the day – even if your plan is to totally ignore it. That’s fine too. There is no right or wrong way to mark the day, just whatever feels right for you. Everyone grieves differently, and needs different things. Below are some ideas you might consider – or not. Whatever you do, be kind and gentle with yourself today. Mother yourself. You can thank your mum/mom for that gift today and perhaps that’s the best way to celebrate hers.
If you decide to ignore the day:
If you decide to focus on others:
If you choose to focus on your mothers memory:
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